For starters, allow me to express some alarm — Nikki Finke and Tom Shales have melded into one being. This is very bad news, especially for Jon Stewart, filmmakers whose “product” fails to earn $100 million, admirers of non-insane entertainment journalism and open-minded reviewing, and nice people.

For non-starters, I should probably add that I am probably a worse Oscar prognosticator than Jim Emerson, or any other human being walking the earth. Don’t even look at the post below this one. And, no, I’m not linking to it. You’re just going to have to do the hard work of scrolling down all by yourself. And, speaking of Mr. Emerson, I’m glad No Country for Old Men won the big Oscar, and not Juno, not because it was my favorite movie this year (it wasn’t, though it came close), but because the heads of of both No Country mega-booster Emerson and FtY Pal/Diablo Cody-baiter Dennis Cozzalio don’t have to explode now.

And, though I hate to agree with the Shalesfink about anything at all, this year’s ceremony was not the most scintilating, though that was not due to the lack of a blockbuster nominee or the evil that walks among us that is Jon Stewart (only the Shalesfink can see Stewart’s evil in a world that has been deluded into thinking him a hilarious truth-teller…sort of like They Live but with just one cable-comedian alien). No, I blame the writer’s strike and, counterintuitively, the brevity of the speeches.

Half the drama of the night is wondering just how many humans a single person can thank while a thirty piece orchestra is attempting to play them off. And, clearly, there were fewer comedy bits and Stewart, perhaps hurried and a bit gunshy after the lambasting Hollywood egomaniacs gave him for some of his sharper barbs last time around, restrained himself.

Though its not like he wasn’t at least mildly funny most of the time, with the universally agreed-upon best one-liner being this classic:

Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.

Of course, even if Jon was forced to use a few toothless Bruce Vilanch gags, he still managed to anger the thin skinned and the small of brain, particularly New York Post neoconservacritic Kyle Smith, to wit….

…comparing Iraq War movies to the ongoing effort by US troops–he said the war movies have faced ups and downs but we must stay the course because “Withdrawing the Iraq movies would only embolden the audience. We cannot let the audience win.” Awful. Smug. Callous. Inexcusable.

Coincidentally, those last four adjectives happen to describe Smith’s writing. I know, what I just wrote was…Awful. Smug. Callous. Accurate.

Let’s see, other agreed upon highlights — as a fan of Once, and of general class and good behavior I was delighted to see Stewart give Czech singer-songwriter-actress Marketa Irglova the chance to give her acceptance speech after she was cut off by music. Not only was the moment a characteristic show of general menschiness by Stewart, but as far as I know it was an Oscar first. Anyone care to correct me? (And, yeah, I know I have what we now so charmingly call a “mancrush” on Jon Stewart…but who of us can control where the heart leads us? Make me laugh consistently while perhaps helping to save American democracy, and I’ll have a man-or-woman crush on you, too.)

Other thoughts? Amy Adams is an amazing talent — her live rendition of “Happy Working Song” shows that she’s a real old-fashioned, class A show tune singer.

Also, it wasn’t mentioned on the Oscar telecast, but I only just now have realized that “I drink your milkshake” from There Will Be Blood has become a catchphrase, though I did see the fun but silly sketch so entitled on last Saturday’s pro-Hillary Tina Fey SNL episode, which mildly amused me and the ten percent of the studio audience that had seen the movie. And here I was getting laughs by imitating Lewis, imitating John Huston, saying, “You will agree I am an oiiilll man.”

I am abased and humbled.